She's better off.. but we aren't.

I woke up this morning, just like any other day, got out of bed and played with my kids kissed my wife and left for work for the day. As soon as I started walking down the street it hit me, I really miss my mom..

You see as long as I can remember, every year around Thanksgiving/Christmas time my mom would become the Christmas guru.. Our house would transform into the winter wonderland. She would throw on old Christmas vinyls from names like Nat King Cole, Johnny Mathis, and some of the Rat Pack.. and we would decorate the Christmas tree and make cookies, it would be an all day event. After we had the house all decorated we would end up on the couch and watch whatever Christmas movie was on, with our hot chocolate and cookies by the television.

I really miss those times, you know the times when we weren't fighting, we weren't thinking about the cost of things, or what we needed to do next.. Family is so valuable and I really appreciate the family that I came from. They have taught me that no matter where you are at, no matter who you have become, family will always be there for you.. with love.

So as for the title of this blog.. I was thinking on my walk today about my mom and this thought came to me, "she is better off where she is, but we are not better off without her". She changed everyone's life that was around her, and I believe for the better. So as we will continually miss her, we must remember what she showed us while she was here. To be love and share that love.

July 3rd 2009.

One year ago today my life changed.. It was a really normal day for me and my family. We were over at a good friends house playing board games and just hanging out listening to stories of an old man's childhood and laughing.

Then my phone rings and as I go to pick it up there is no one on the line.. So I looked and saw it was my brother [in Ohio] it was pretty late there.. So I sent him a text message.. "Are you ok?" he texted back.. "I'm not sure yet".. So I continue to hang out for a little bit.. On our way home I called my brother back and he answers, he's crying, he's not making much sense.. and the next words that came from that phone just ruined me.. He says "Mom has been shot!" I continued to ask questions through disbelief, tears, anger.. I was still in the car at this point so I was trying to just figure out what to do. I can't remember exactly what happend next either my cousin Jason or my uncle Gerry got on the phone and just told me we needed to fly out to Ohio ASAP. When we got back to our house I just started freaking out, trying to figure out who I could call what we needed to do.. I called a few people and a few people showed up to help. After I was trying to figure out flights, pack my stuff up, and get ready to go I came to a place where I couldn't move anymore and I just sat in my closet and started to cry, I was just trying to figure out why this could happen, and really just trying to understand that this is real!.. Wow, so after a little while we packed up a car headed to the airport and then to Ohio.. I didn't sleep at all that night.

As I was going through all of this, the questions, the anger, the frustration, the confusion.. The one thing that I kept coming back to was that I have a God who loves me and my family and no matter what happens he will always be there for us.. The song "How He Loves Us" by John Mark McMillian was playing over and over in my head and I was able to actually play it at my Mom's funeral. This song is just a simple reminder of who God is, and how much he cares for each and every one of us, even though we don't deserve it.

This whole tragic experience totally sucks, but God is good, and he will always be good. It sucks that there are people in the world that don't understand or know God's love and that those people have to hurt other people, but that is just the reality of sin. All we can do is learn to love, and learn to experience and know God love. We will all die some day, but how many of us will start to live today.

I love all of you, and I really miss my Mom, and I never thought that she would be taken from us so soon, but I know that she would want us to continue to love life, to share the joy that she most certainly had and to see people the way that God intended.

I know that some people may read this and think that I am a total hippie, but the truth is I just really appreciate what God did for me, my mom, my family, and the world.. He died, so that we can live!

I love you mom, i miss you..

God Bless..

Church, more than six letters.

So it had been a while since I had posted anything, so I am going to post three in a row, maybe four.. This last post is a thought that I had on Sunday night in response to Nathan's [my pastor friend at the Stirring] message.. I am also going to be occasionally posting stuff on the new Stirring blog as well.. This time I want to post it on both..

Church

Church is more than a six letter word..
Community, Love, Generosity, Selflessness, Humility, Life Giving, Family, Exciting, a Movement..

It's something worth giving your life to.!

When did church become about.. guilt, shame, loneliness, obligation, comfort, selfishness, criticism..?

It's more than a building. It's more than a membership. It's even more than a community..
It's a lifestyle.!

God calls us to live out what we learn. Share what we know. Care for those who can't. Live with the least. Love as though we care.!